Pass me the day!!

well, everything seems so fine actually. I just feel there is nothing really excite me these days. well, i am at home, doing the rest of my ramadhan and helping my dad's work. i've just realized how hard he work and it make me a bit discomfort. i really want to settle and some how not depend on him anymore. BTw, my days are fine but i really wish i can jump on Lebaran, where i can meet my BF (yeah, i am kinda miss him) and i can celebrate something. anyway, i dont talk to my mom. but we will see how long it last. this love and hate mother-daughter relationship really one of a kind. hah!. no worries, i plan to apologize to her, so..lebaran come soon please.. :D

My Graduation day!

well, not as exciting as i thought before, i was just feel so so and kinda tired and sleepy. Haha. anyway, i am happy that my family was there and i cab see my sisters around. umm. my bf wasnt able to come so its okay cz i didnt come on his grad day also, its fair enough to me. i dont really see that his attendace was important untill this morning i suddenly feel like wish he was there. haha. silly and kinda late response. i wasnt uber excited but at least i am happy meeting with my friends..my makabon friends.. :)

Kisses!

Well
i've just met my Bf tonight. we talked like friend slash spouse. he tells a lot than i expect. it was sweet because he act and behave well. Haha.

I love the way he look at me
I love the way he smiles
I love the way he touch my hair
I love the way he hold my hands
I love the way he wants me

i know we've been through a lot. even the worst situation. and i know i did some mistake in the past. But it was the most precious lesson that make me realize what i've missed. My Bf now is the one that i'd like to share my life with. He is my all.Omg. I never been so weak and cheesy and tacky when it comes to love but damn i am totally fall in love for him.

the guy i want to spend my life with!love and kisses!:)

Side-Project

I do design. These are the examples..
my signature will be : well-fitted, clean cut and sleek.

a very soft flaunting white mini dress. no it is not my design cz i bought this when i was abroad. never wear this and i'm gonna sell it for 200.000 rupiah only!. anyone?. the material is very soft and comfort, reccomended for party.


a fairy broken white mini dress. fit S to M. 200.000 Rupiah only! Go get them fast and PM me.

I have tons of designs that will be my first season. The theme will be femmeSquere. we'll see whats that mean by seeing the real clothes. i'll give update soon.
ps: sorry i left my pocket camera at home so i took the pic using my webcam pc.

My favorite actors!

did i ever told you about my addiction into watching movie? well i tell you now. i've been witnessing tons of movies with different genre, stories, actors, directors..whatever you name it. One day i dont have anything to do and i count the number of movies that i ever watched, at that time, i was watch (if I'm not mistaken) approximately 600 movies..from the most dramatics or tricky plot into the most trashy one (ex: harold n Kumar!).Haha. well, i enjoy watching good movies with good acting on it. but mostly i am interested in movies with classic settings and stories (little children, the atonement, pride n prejudice, the duchess, libertine, bright star, etc). I think those movies are good in term of stories, wardrobe and setting. i just love it when i see picturesque old settings and lots of fashion in those movies, make me feel closer into some victorian/30's/50's aristocrat style, i love the fabrics, the pattern and the unique accessories that represented the old time. the hat from "marie Antoinette' really fascinated me!.
anyway, from all those movies that i watched, i am sort of found these actors that i think super hot! they posses a high quality acting skill and unavoidably charming!. Thus, they're my favorite actors!.

Matt damon
who dont know him? his acting is heavy and serious man! he can play any effin' characters! you can watch him in 'Good will hunting', 'Bourne identity', 'The good Shepperd', 'Invictus', etc.

liam neeson
say hi to papa neeson! first notice him on 'taken' and admire him right after! you can watch him in 'Clash of the titan' , 'chloe' and 'A-team'
strong character, mature and charming.

Johny Depp
i dont need to explain much! he's Tim burton's muse and his quirkiness always bring something into the character he played. watch him in 'libertine', Edward the scissors hand', 'whats eating gilbert grape', 'sleepy hollow', 'pirates of Caribbean', etc.

Robert dawney Jr.
him as Tony stark..that is what i called as HOT! his acting is unique yet impressive. he also simply a charmer. love him!. watch him in 'Chaplin', 'Iron man', 'Air America' and 'Sherlock Holmes'.

Denzel Washington
One genius in acting. dont need to tell a lot just go watch "Johny Q', 'The Great debaters', 'Bone collector' and watch your self! he's good!.

Clive Owen
Well, he's my favourite. He act very well and insanely handsome. watch him in ' King Arthur', 'Derailed', 'Hostage', Duplicity' and 'Children of men".

John Krasinski
Well, he might not in the same caliber as those actors above. But he's is simply a good actor that usually plays in a comedy and he's my funny guy. charming, lovely, nice and act well. watch him in 'licence to wed', 'away we go' (damn i haven't watch this!), 'Leather heads', 'It's complicated'.

long story short, i will devoutly wait for their latest movie and definetely watch them. Way to go guys!... :D

Back to The market

i knew some time my post title is misleading. Haha. incoherent with the post content.
whatevs. i feel a bit of spirited lately. Just been trough my first interview and i feel i am doing well. That might not the most formal yet brilliant interview ever but i was enjoying it and that all matters.
anyways, i still wait for the news whether i am accepted or not, and in the mean time i am surely still seize my opportunity and chances. i expect a lot from my first job and i hope i'll land on the job that i've been dreaming for. May God show me the best. Amen.

A promise had been made

me : I am helplessly in love with you. take a good care of my heart, will you?
him : I will.

*that was sweet.

Cornered and Stuck

This situation (which i cant tell) feels like a dead end alley. no way out. i feel cornered, try to figure out the best way to out of this, but there is nothing i found. i see some options, but either i am not ready enough nor not brave enough. omg. i know i am babbling in no clarity. haha. but since i believe no one read this blog so i dont care.
i just feel like in a dilemma plus not in my best mental state and not in my best mood. i feel like a broken vase. empty and lost. (psychologically sounds depressive right?haha.) no i am not depressive i am just in a confusing phase that took a lot of patience and endurance to survive. okay, i've just experiencing this one thing that make me feel ashamed of my self. it make me feel so low i cant stand up again. i never, in my life, been so bad. i always try (hard) to be a good person with strong principle and values, straight with no bad record in behavior. lately i see a different image of my self, which i am not proud of. instead, iam totally ashamed. Oh gosh life get so difficult. okay i'll try to break it down to make it clear though:
1. i am in a search-a-job-phase
and its quite annoy me cz i was out of my comfort zone. doesn't mean i want to be supported all the time but i found it is tough time when my competence and credibility are being questioned again. this timing with no distinct activity to do, make me (sometime) feel meaningless and pointless temporarily. i believe i will soon landed on my dream job, but still, it takes lots of pressure in doing so.
2. I have a relationship problem
just read my previous post then you will understand. we have this difference and tough situation that we have to deal with, but some time we lost our grip and fall on the same hole over and over again.
3. I'm losing the passion in pursuing whatever my dream was
i used to have a dream. and i was a stubborn one. but since i see that the reality is so harsh and life is occasionally a bitch, i am about to lost my passion in dreaming. i am a dead walking zombie now. temporarily i hope.
btw, whatever i face and how bad it feels now, and even in my least desperation, i wont gave up easily. i just wish i soon recovered, heart and soul. i want to be like old time, enjoying life with a bit of obsession. i want to stumble, cry and smile along the process of getting what i want, and i want one day i am in a moment when i can see around and feel satisfy with my life. it just about time when i get my self together and bounce back. cherrios. :D

The rock bottom!

everything run well until..something happen. we both know what we're doing and we know which is wrong and which is right. i did try to put my ego far away from this relationship hoping that we will hang on and stay together. But, what just happened show me that this different point of view cant be tolerate anymore. I CANT KEEP THIS HAPPEN ANYMORE!. we knew it from long time ago that we have a different point of view but none of us want to truly understand each other. I knew i am not strong enough to insist my stance and i always end up letting things happen. I know its also happen due to my inconsistency. BUT, that was the rock bottom. we cant always arguing the same thing for the next (let say) two or three years. we cant always troubled on the same topic for the next years ahead. its time to truly talk about this heart to heart and took a stance! one solution that represent our response in such situation.
I am upset. i am tired and i am all broken.
It just unavoidably sad when i see you doing nothing about this, keep on your thought and being very resistance in resolving this. it just very disappointing to see the way yo react/response on that situation, looks like nothing happen. nothing threatening. nothing important to be talked and resolved. i also upset on my self, for being very inconsistent and weak. i cant defend my own thought. its sad. so sad and i feel stuck.
this issue is a never ending problem for us yet we usually ignores it. i don't know what you have in mind now, but i feel that's enough. enough i cant take it anymore. i don't want to waste my time ups and down, fight with you about this anymore. i know there is a HUGE love that keep us together this far. but i feel i should make a decision. it might be very hurtful and bitter, but if it what it takes to make a change, then i will. i want to see US in a different way. i want to seize and give more values on this relationship. it is my last shot, better be good or not at all.

Time flies, love stays..

Last night i was kinda missing my boyfriend so much so i tried to chat with him, web camming chat to be exact. Well, after tried several time and survived from several crash (due to poor connection) finally we can do the web cam chat with an awful minute of lagging. well, i was miss him badly i didn't really care about the delay. i saw him there in his room, wore a white plain shirt, it helps a bit, make me feel closer to him. BUT, since the lagging are too much too handle, we decide to use the synchronous text chat and ignore the web cam. since it feels like not real time at all, he get bored. perhaps.
for me, i did not care as long as i can see his face, it means something. but he feels kinda sleepy and decided to sleep. i was begging Lil bit to keep chat but that useless though, i wont push something that is not part of one's will. SO, i end up alone for the rest of the night, my mind floating around thinking about this and that.Mostly still feel upset but i try to take it easy.
Anyway, after i fall asleep, i have this dream, a very weird dream about escaping and saving some people from a chaotic situation. exactly like an action movie, there's the bad guy and the good guy. i was like in between and kinda confuse because i should save someone that i don't know. my heroic role in the dream didn't help at all. it was so weird and end up i am having a romantic affair with the bad guy boss..urrgh..such a weird weird dream. we were like holding hands and there's another girl, and that bad guy bring me into some place which looks exactly like my high school yard. fiuwh. thanks god i woke up and realize that was only a dream. a weird dream that (perhaps) represent my need to be with some one that i truly love or another one that actually the bad guy in real-live.whatevs.im done.

.days back then

These moments

Okay, so i am officially a job seeker now, with no clarity in what kind of company i want to work with. well, i want to set the target but it end up useless (i thought) because the job we will end up with very much depend on luck, situation and fate. so, i randomly apply in some companies and still wait for any call.
The problem is, in such situation when you have to wait for the call and feels like have nothing else to do, it makes you become kind of desperate. it seems that all the achievement and experiences while at school that form your confidence suddenly disappear. its gone with the wind. And that left you with reduced confidence about your own competence and price. It end up making you (or me) feels so desperate hence applying some crappy jobs that out of our previous target.Haha.
But for me, even in my worst desperation, i will never apply a job in a cigar company or any company that violate the environmental protection standard.
Instead, i am looking for a company with good work ethics and values that will offer me a dynamic yet stimulating environment to learn and to perform my utmost capability and competences. Gosh, i really hope i will be work for this kind of company. i hope. i hope. amieeen.

this is my mess up face in such situation


and this is the formal photograph that will soon make me land on my dream job!yeah!

Truth about the Ethics code of Psychology

Psychology, the major i've been learning for this past 4 years in my college time, is very unique in terms of knowledge and practice. It just so lame that most people still don't know some basic rules about how Psychology could be use into practice. well, i just want emphasize again that there are two type of Psychology alumni that we could recognize:

1. The one who took Psychology for their Bachelor degree.
They are not Psychologist. Instead, we call them as Psychology scientist. They don't have any authorities to independently run a Psychological test, leave alone make an interpretation about the test result. so, never ever ask a bachelor of Psychology to run or interpret a Psychological test!!. Based on the Psychology Code of Ethics pocket book from HIMPSI (Himpunan Psikologi Indonesia), it is clearly stated that bachelor of Psychology are allowed to make a research in the field or hold a job that related to Psychology with interpreting test as an exception. Simply put, bachelor of Psychology are allowed to administer a test but NOT to create, hold the full copy, or interpret any Psychological test.

2. The one who took Psychology for their Master could be called as Psychologist if:
they took the clinical Psychology with concentration on Adult or children clinical Psy. IF they took social or organizational Psychology hence we cant call them as Psychologist. Psychologist is a profession that need 2 years of master in clinical Psychology. They are allowed to open a Psychological consultation practice and have some clients. They are the people known as shrink for some Americans.
So, long story short, there are no profession called as Social Psychologist or IO Psychologist, because basically they took it as science field in their master.

3. Typical Test are not allowed to be openly trained for commercial purpose!!.
this afternoon i saw a phamplet about the training program for some Psychological test such as TAT and Wartegg. It cost 500 .000 rupiahs and aimed for some people who are about to apply for a job and should face these test on the selection process.
Well, those test are basically typical/maximum test or a Psychological test that used to measure some one's characteristics, interest or talent. Those test is not being used to measure some one's capability and there are no right or wrong answers because all answers will lead into a series/set of interpretation that explained the characteristics of the test taker. For example, a picture that you draw on the Wartegg test could explained your motivation, so, if you draw it based on other things rather than your own idea, it means you are not representing your self but deliberately hide your real characteristics. It's just silly when you answer those test with something that doesn't come from your genuine idea. in other hand, you are faking it.
So, the question is, what is the use of wasting your 500.000 rupiah for practicing these test if there are no right or wrong answers?. You should know that The job seeker use this test not to see which one have the highest mark or the best, instead, they are looking for some characteristics that they assume will fit with the job. So, if you still think there are better answers among others and use the answers from some-super-stupid-psychological-test-practice-book, then you might start to develop a new personality and faking your true self.

The sad things are, some Practitioner in Psychology field also don't know about this, or simply don't care so they still broke some rules and make some error by asking a bachelor of Psychology to make a test tool, ask them to interpret it, blabbing the test interpretation into public for money or creating such stupid test training book and event. well, live among the chaotic understanding about whats is wrong and what is right is never easy. but for me, it is important to keep my self on the right tract and implement my knowledge for good, in a good way, along with the ethical values and rules. for others who have no idea about this, well, at least you know now. lets fix all the mess together and discipline this field and don't make Psychology looks like a cheap commodity to gain some dirty penny.

Rithem in Ramadhan

Since it is Ramadhan, i got a little change in my biological hours habit. NOw, i have to wake up at 3 am for sahur. well i cant say it is a proper sahur because basically i only ate cookies and milk and get back to sleep right away. SOmehow this small changes kinda disturb me because i dont really like to have an interrupted sleeping time, hehe. it just annoy me even in the slightest way. it will be different if i were at home. Everybody are awake and enjoy the meal my mom cooked. the best part is when i can watch some silly Ramadhan shows on Tv. most of them are so funny i could broke in laugh all morning. but again, i am all by my self know. doing mostly munching the food and avoiding fall asleep while i am still trying to swallow everyday sahur meals. i dont really mind that but sometime it make me miss my family so bad.

anyway these past week im doing this OBM thingy in which i am one of the facilitator that gives the college orientation material to the new students of UI. this job is basically fun since i am able to meet with new people, which some of them are unavoidably funny. BUt,in other hand this job also quite challenging when i have to meet with this-so-annoying-class that basically a crowd of very passife yet slightly arrogan people. but hell cares, i've done my part with that class and now is the last day with a quite promising class ambience. today class are consist of (mostly) attentive yet active people so i'll be fine in doing this. SInce it is the last day i also expect to have a good OBM good bye with them, so i plan to play more games rather than bubbling too long about the material.Ha!

PS: i 'll have my first job interview on monday, wish me luck!

It's Ramadhan,month full with blessed!

it's Ramadhan

and kinda excited

better than last year

in terms of

my willingness to change

my mood

my emotional stability

hehe

anyway, i dont really like to wake up for sahurt

cz eat meals at 3 am always make me sick i want to throw out

so everytime sahur is coming

i substitute the meals with some sweet snacking like biscuits, wafer, cereals, milk or even candy...

yeah, believe me, i can survive the whole day with a candy only

haha!

the key is to drink water as much as possible, and i was like drinking almost a liter every sahur time..

so i wont get dehydrated

or pass out

hee...

well, i hope this ramadhan will give me much lesson and improvement

and everything in this month (i hope ) run well so that i can enjoy my Lebaran in peace

hoaa..cant wait! kupat dari embah, keluarga tersayang, libur,shalat ied...

iam comiiiing!!!

A series of emotional turbulence

its so weird

i was broke down in tears last night

due to something that felt so melancholic

that was feel so terrible and painful

an old wound that always haunt my soul

when it is so hard to forget

when it is so hard to forgive

it could be my interpretation only

and it is so subjective i know

but this image of experience

sad and breaking heart experience

is so deep

it shattered me all the time

every time i am in my weakest point.

but this morning,

i woke up

and found the fact that i was being too much

drown too deep on my emotion

and broken

but again

i am all fine now

whatever happened in the past

it left in the past

i want to be wise

i want to forgive

i want to be sensitive and warm

iam.

last two days

been great

iam fully recovered now

no more flu

no more head ache

this day OBM class are fun

i get closer with the class

and we play games a lot

too bad i left my pocket camera at home

no pics

anyway, its raining now

kinda miss my bf

miss some delicious Korean food

omg, i am totally craving for Kimchi right now!!!

ehxausted

Yup..

literally

i've been sick for the whole week and still on the recovering process

i met my bf tonight

we had dinner together (like usual)

i dont know

but

the longer our relationship,the less things we talked about

again

i dont know

whether it is a good thing

or bad thing

it just

perhaps

we're tired of talking since we feel like already know all the essential story

or

meaby

it is a form of boredom

that we don't realize

yet exist between our dinner or lunch date


i simply hope

we stay together

refreshed all part of this relationship

and survive till the end.

love story.

sick

i am sick

literally

feels like drowning on water and gasping for air

whatevs

i have to be a co-facilitator for the OBM (orientasi belajar mahasiswa) tomorrow

it starts at 7 am in the morning

and end at 4 pm

just wish i can survive the day

and deliver the material with well

amin!