The doubtful cause

Remember when I say that there was no longer things that able to excite me? like I already hold the world In my hand?. Yep. That was the moment I feel things I have or long in this world are not a matter of importance anymore. I was very focus on the essential meaning of life, I thought those material things are just absurd and irrelevant.  Fancy clothes, Towering heels or heavenly dinner are things that I will not take when I die nor add the meaning of it. I detest the idea of materialism, the thought of me pursuing those so tangible stuffs over everything. I felt shallow and stupid.

Then I lost the long over those things like I'm ready to be a new person. The feeling was so convincing I almost believe I was ready to give a lot of things up to be this whole new person. But then, It went south very fast. I even doubted my intention, I disbelief my self that I have such courage and determination to make a rapid change. Haha. So, I decided to take a step at a time. I may still hate the Idea of being the victim of capitalism and live so worldly oriented but it also doesn't necessarily make me stop working my best to have a great life. It just, I no longer live the ambition that only leads me to be this cool person with arrogance. rather, I decided to take my life lightly, work my best to be a good, decent, considerate and useful person.

Talking about becoming an useful person, it was actually what my mom taught me. She always said that, there is no bigger mean for us to be created in this world rather than to make our self useful for others. well, I believe I'm make a good use of myself for others but not in the way I expected. Seizing the scale and the directness of my influence, I could see how few people are truly 'touched' by what I do. Hehe. Im thinking about something bigger, more tough and dramatic. One day, It will.

In the mean time, Being grateful been helping me a lot in handling these turbulence of feeling and continuous self questioned over life. I could see clearly God gave me a lot of luck compare to most people it keeps me grounded and respectful. Seeing unfortunate people who should work so hard for so little is  just devastating, it hearts breaking yet make me feel a lot of respect for them. To be in the place I am now, I could see the tear drops and tough sweat they must deal with. That is why I always try my best to treat other people with respect and goodness. Treating others, especially those who are not as fortunate as our self like they're inferior is really not my style. I believe strongly in equality and human rights. we are all deserve some respect for us all are mere human.

err, did I just wrote four paragraphs that seems not coherent by topic? haha, I might, for my brain is suck at being systematic. Hehe.

pause

Finally, today is my moment of pause. After went to Banjarmasin yesterday, I got a day off. Yay.

I really want to just sit back and relax today. But, still need to do some work though since the deadline is coming. well, at least I can do it from my bed. Hehe. Anyway, lets talk about Banjarmasin. I kinda like this city, it's pretty quite, people  are looked nice. But, since it is for work, I dont really have a great encounters with the city. directly go to hotel and do the work. The day after went back to JKT I dont event have the chance to see the famous floating market in Martapura.

finally, a date with mr. durian!

Ok, now it's time to rest. Just snuggle under my blanket, watching trashy programs in local TV channel (ouch,hehe), or finishing my 'castle' serials sprint. btw, I just opened my work email and it make me depressed. Haha, let's just face those things tomorrow for today I want to relax.

Anger

Someone should really get his mind fixed. With that so shiny intelligence, he failed to show a simple act of mannerism. Dude, I cant take you trashing my table and behave like a brat. I want to mad big I want to just confront you, which of course I am DARE to. But again, thanks to my careful thought, It wont be fair if you don't know what your mistake is, right?. So, here I say it...

U WERE TRASHING MY TABLE WITH UGLY USED PACKAGE PAPER YOU COULD JUST THROW OR PUT IT NICELY!!!!

my desk is not a trash bin, you should know better.


ps: I'll tell this guy why I am mad and we'll see if things sort itself out.

The weekend rush

Just come back from Lampung (Kotabumi to be exact, 3 hours from tanjung karang), hell tired! anyway, got no time to stroll around or enjoy anything but this is the 1st event I handled as PIC, so I'm so glad it was run well. :). The view in Tanjung karang is exquisite, picturesque and mighty beautiful. My hotel (Novotel lampung) stand right in the middle of mountains and oceans. I got the ocean view and it was so refreshing. (sorry no pic been so tired and only care for sleep).

Fav Breakfast!

                                                                                             
I've been to this events two row in a week (medan previously), and I was requested to go to Banjarmasin or Pontianak this weekend. 3 row in a week? sorry, nope. no, no, no. I want my weekend and already promise my friends to hang out watching movie. we'll see tomorrow though, If it is really mandatory and there's no one available, well...I cant just reject it anyway :(. It is not that I am not willing to go, I promise my self to work hard and committed to my job, but the timing cant be worse and I really dont want to pay that with my social life. I need to rest and I need seeing my friends.

btw, The night before i went to my friend wedding, aqsa..yaay..so happy to see her in that day..wish her  happiness and blissful marriage. she looks beautiful in daily and even more beautiful at her wedding day. I went there with uwik and tommy (her bf). They're such a cute couple and kind enough to drive me home. hehe. btw, I was not very sure about my outfit that day, most of my friends wore dresses, the simple, chic and modern one, but I choose to wear a traditional javanese kebaya and patchwork Kain batik. But, after I see my self, I feel pretty though. (traditionally pretty, haha). Wedding is a joyous moment....

In the middle, is a beatiful friend but the lighting wasnt fair to her..hehe

                                                   

The happy husband and wife, and bunch of happy friends :)

                                                                                     

Unexplainable

I feel so bored, like nothing is interesting nor exciting anymore. I feel like I've grasp the world it no longer incite my curiosity. I need something new, a superb experience that stimulate my mind, make me alive. Oh boring boring boring day boring boring boring job oh boring boring boring routine.

Dear 23rd November

-Dont you remember-
by: Adele

"When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,
I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?

Don't you remember?

The reason you loved me before,

When was the last time you thought of me?

Or have you completely erased me from your memory?

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?

Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,

when will I see you again?"

(Ps: If I can sing I'll sing this song over and over again, I'm a tone deaf btw...

so, yeah its kinda sad I cant sing my fav. song with the correct tone, haha.)

Out of nowhere

last night, just had a full episode of dream, a story with a beginning and closed with an ending. out of nowhere.The person from the past, the story that unlikely happen. It was something that will not (ever) happen in reality. Haha.

It makes me wonder whether I have some unfinished business with him. well, I actually have some questions to ask. But, those questions are too childish and silly I don't want to start a confusing discussion. I suspect, the problem with me and him was: we were like each other dearly but the universe against it. It just didn't (never) work. we don't have the chance, the timing, the sprinkle of miracle that unite us. (lol).

from my point of view, It was a weird weird feeling and story. we were rarely speak, but I guessed our eyes do the talking. It was funny how every time we were hang out with our friends, no conversation exist between us. Just awkward gesture.  he was the only person made me losing words and idea of conversation for he is a very unique personality. 

If I look back, what we have was a very honest, but shy feeling, If it is a fire, it didn't burn strong enough. Or maybe it was just me, my imagination, my perception. maybe he never like me that much. nor care that much. Haha.  Anyway, It's been so long since that timing, He remain a dear friend to me and I hope he will find his best girl.

Farcation (Toba Lake)

Yesterday I visited Toba Lake with my friends, Devi, Ina and Mba Ovi.  the lake is situated in Parapat, Medan. It takes 5 hours drive from Medan to Parapat. The lake was so huge, we need to took a boat to get into the Samosir island. I love the lake's water splash into my skin, the boat wasnt shaking and the crew entertained us with traditional songs.

we saw the Batu gantung, which shows a weird shaped rock hanging on mountain side. The batu gantung, local folk said, is actually a girl and her dog who decide to suicide after she was arranged into marrying someone she doesn't like. well, I don't believe that stone is a person but I love how the story touch my imagination.The drama in it. hehe.

In Samosir, there's the Sibutarbutar king grave. There is also a person who tell the story behind the grave. He deliver the (hi(s)tory) with some jokes so it was a fun listening time. Basically, the first king was the first person who unite the area, through wars and conquests. After that, the story went on how the throne was inherited. There was also love stories, enrich with magic practice at that time. well, I love stories, I love tales.

so I enjoyed it so much. btw, here are the pics I took. Enjoy!

(and visit Toba one day yaa..it is a great place).

                                                                                           The local kids

The King Sibutarbutar's grave

The Batu Gantung.                                                                Me and my friends.

on the boat

                                                                                            Sigale-gale puppet,
                                                                        was used to communicate with ancestors spirits.



Entering the site

Sigale-gale entrance

Batak Simalungun traditional food, super yumm!

 The fresh air

The Samosir entrance

The great lake, Toba.

whoaaa....

a lot things going on at the office. I start to detect the dynamic of politics here, people talk this and that.
implicitly hitting each other through defense and offensive acts. sometimes on the ground of ego. funny.
well, that is not really my concern since I come to a believe there's no super clever nor saint person here.
(Oh world..)
BUT,
what I found very awful is the gossip. It was weird how people spread gossips based on very weak ground. a disputable evidence of occurrences, unclear events, vogue rumours, which cant ever be fully validate.
I swear my self I don't want to be part of that, person who spreads unfounded words about someone is the least I want to be.
I always try to be objective in every judgement I make, the sound of rumours are fun and spicy but it could be mislead and wrong.
One thing that very obvious is those people have a very huge tendency to believe things without check or further verification. a big no in research methodology. anyway, it reminds me where the place that taught me to stay objective and always double check, my beloved faculty of psychology.

the research methodology there are one of the finest (I believe), I trained to recheck things find and test evidence until it is fit enough to explain a phenomenon (well, with all the flaws ya, since research only capture a small tiny fragment of thing). duh, do i start talking about school?.
lets skipped it.

tomorrow I should wake up very early for flight to Medan. My body is breaking I actually feel very exhausted. But, bismillah may everything run well tomorrow.... see you Medan..see you Samosir!

my cubicle, place to observeee!hehe

Shame on you!

an  unpleasant encounter with co-worker (refer as X).
It surprised me how someone can loose his/her cool over something that, if they were wiser, could be discuss in more proper manner.

this x is so childish and temperamental. and whatever the excuse, for me, that's stupid.ha.
it takes attitude to deliver a decent sentence. it takes wisdom to pick fine wording.
sometimes it takes nothing, but 'goodhearted' personality.

this x person talk like a person with no education. yield loud. scary face. (like boiled crab,lols!).
to deliver a very very simple point that I already understand since the first time she opened her mouth.

I was like..."haha, you so lost by doing it".
people says it's her personality. she cant help it.

I was like.. "really? she cant help it or she simply an ignorant person?. she knew the impact of her behavior.
no one likes it. it was rude and unnecessary. yet she didn't event try to change it a bit?. either she's blatantly hopeless or..well..ignorant."

point is, due to her way to communicate, which I found very arrogant and foolish at the same time. we had quite heated argument. I keep my cool and hold my anger for I don't want to look like her.

well, message is, you may go to the most prestigious school, get the best mark, be the brightest person in the room, but, when it comes to attitude. those are nothing.

hopefully, she'll grow wiser and more considerate.