moment of truth

I must admit..
I've been sucked into an artificial life where everything that means to me is tangible existence of things.
untill last night, I accidently stumble on my old friend facebook..
and I realize how shallow my life been..atleast these past months.

after working and having my own money I become so worldly oriented. I care more about my money and things I can buy rather than what  I actually live for. My life been so predictable, my days simply concluled in this perhaps economics article 'The raising middle class: most predicted lifestyle ever', works from 8 to 5, Monday to Friday and mall hopping by weekend. haha.

well, I still dont know what I live for but somehow that friend make me see the different side. The deeper meaning of life which ofcourse takes  a big jump of courage to believe. She showed me the ultimate faith to God. something that I dont have.

Thanks to her though, now I am in the process of reevaluating my life..choose the real thing I consider as
most important. most essential. make peace with God.

little talk

had a wonderful time . hang out with my friends from work...

we talk about things, mostly our career plan etc... One of us has moved to GE (general electrics) in a similar MT program. He..well, seems not to enjoy it though, it is twice the work load but the same salary (lol).. so perhaps he will decide to come back, which ofcourse I'm pleased to welcome him. anyway, I will share a lil bit about my company.. It produce baby nutrition..the best in terms if market share etc. working environment are awesome, friendly and nice Indonesian people...my job require couple of travelling..all over
Indonesia..which is fun ofcourse, everything is awesome except the fact that my bosses are french. Hate to admit but how local and Indonesia it is, it still is a global company owned by the french.hehe.
whatevs,...I 'm so grateful..and grateful..
I have friends that are smart and fun and hilarious, they add me some point of views and  sense of belonginess.

Let it Rain Over Me

I'm happy. Now....

Just did my 3rd Quartal review, well it wasnt very smooth but I dont want to care much on it.
The most important is I'm learning and that I'm doing my responsibility here.

Btw, It become very often that people fail me.
I thought they are that smart or that considerate.
It appears they didnt. Some coolest mind even fall deep into inconsistency make them look so..umm..
unreliable..

Btw, I dont care.
What I care now Is..this Weekend! yaay!...

really want a peaceful weekend.
Tivi, great delivery food, and bed.

ohya, Happy birthday my dearest...
Wish you a great courage to face everything ahead...
a tender heart to conquer the world..
a strong responsibility to protect people you love...
a huge patience to handle me
and a neverending love for us to start our life..together..soon...

Deteste

Je'desteste c'est situation. ennuyeux personnes. malentendu....

The more I stay, the more I see..how upsetting one could be.
When the tension is high, how those smiles turn into annoying frowns.
how they cracked  in pressure and became so evil.

I hate bad people, I hate inconsiderate conversations.
But again, what is to hate?. hate is so corrupt it just make me ugly.

I cant wait the time,
When God lead me into another direction.
A path I will do just equally great.
A destination that make me not surprised.

Now,
I feel detached from reality.
I feel the 'lost' and the 'alienation'.
the feel of wanting nothing.

Now,
choices are harder o choose.
a lot variables add the consideration.

EGO

I feel a series of energy loss lately. (okay, there's no such thing since energy is shifting never really just gone).
point is, I feel quite tired, phisically and emotionally. Gloom. bruyant.

I feel worn out. Rush form my work, plan and decisions I should address in short timing.

and the punch line will be how I feel distant with one person I always close with.

I have such big Ego and Anger.

I'm able to just snapped and ruin things.

and the more I need to attach the fewer chances are coming.

ooh, where are you gone peaceful nice time?.

or maybe It  is a sign.

that I'm not ready at all............................................................................................................................


while, in this riot of thoughts, there he is one from my naive past.
rgggh.
Good news I'm so grown up I wont fall in the same trick.

Is it because I'm more mature?
Or is it because I actually do not need someone to strengthen me, to fill in me?.
Is it i am sometimes feel so weak or I unconsciously weaken my self so that I feel the long of other person existence?

It's a sweet thing but at the end it will be only erased by the coming wave.

so what's the point?

Seafoodtopia

Remember my fascination over seafood?

I just Had This...

and I love this..

The winner is the Fish, it salted fine and melt in my mouth..

next favorite is the squid..grilled..the burnt part are so yumm..muahaha..

seafood plater at fish n co.

anyway been quite long didnt practise my cooking..

one day when I get home, grilled lamb with special sauce for everyone...

yaaay!!! I wanna go Home! hiks.....

Tik Tok Tik Tok

Time does add perspectives.

I used to be a quite shallow person I see things black and white

Now, I am able to see the gradation, in between, grey areas...

what I learn are:

1. We cant never judge people for we dont know how it feels to be in their shoes.
2. Opinion is the cheapest comodity, people may talk craps about anything or anyone, dont bother it.
3. Act does speak louder than word

Am I a wiser person Now?
Maybe.

Stronger person?
Sure.

Workkkkrkk

fever.
heavy flights.
even heavier next year.

the travelling is crazy.
and mostly alone.

just pray me I don't get a creepy hotel room!.

votre sourire

rarely talk.rarely seen.

lovely companion.

those sweet childish smile.

____________________________________________________________________________________

losing time

unfortunate timing

none is alone

______________________________________________________________________________

wedding party is festive

I love attending it

the exploding romance, the happiness...the pretty dress.

me n uwik at anggi's wedding

He..he..he

inspiration could come from many ways, unexpected people and unpredictable event.
I just read this cool story about aspiring scientist from Indonesia, one of very few people holding Phd in physics higher energy, which also coincidentally having relationship with my best friend.

I read his interview in one newspaper and I thought, damn, this guy so lucky to have such courage. courage to 'throw himself in unknown' and enjoy the ongoing curiosity with equally heavy challenges and complication in a realm called as science.

then I look into my self. it makes me feel 'he..he..he'.

he he he..I am way too chicken to just jump into thing I really want. face the unpredictable quest. too spoilt to leave this comfort zone and too shy I didn't put much confident in my self (sometimes). plus, too reluctant in taking challenges.

half of me believe that the posibility dream is pretty much in our faith. but then half of me is in doubt I create barrier in my self (self-handicapping?) to event think 'I might'.

and he..he..he I looked back and realize, how little I did. How weak is  my determination. fiuh.
But, I believe it is a process of growing up. process of me looking for what I want. As if I could know, the fix variable that determine our fate, is it our will or some other external events that simply out of reach?.

thinking deep and hard , lols!

Time box

Oh dear wind,
will you ever fly my wings again?
into the wilderness of stranger land
into smiles warmth my memory
into kindness that melt my heart


dear fate,
will you ever bring me again?
into a journey I cant deny to appreciate
a crossing path that fond my soul
I miss the smell,
I miss getting lost and wandering around

oh dear..dear..
a moment I hope to frame in my head
for years and years and years ahead.....

Eyes wide open

Working expose me with experience that into some extent develop me. I learn again. It is like a new world that open itself to me. the dynamic, the type of tasks, challenges, etc.I used to think that work-related-task will be more complicated and demanding than this, but it appears it is more matters of our ability to strecth our capacity in doing multiple things. my job load is progressing and ofcourse it is not getting easier. I travel places, meet people,eat new foods, breathe stranger place's air, get confuse and feel challenged.

Btw, one well-known career person said that fresh grad should take their time to recognize what they really want. well, I am not fully agree of that, some time get a job asap it self is a process of us  in finding what really want. perhaps we will come into consideration that we actually dont want the job or we want for something else. but, thats the process. sometimes. that is the way how we will finally recognize our self.

as for me, as I told before, I love this job, it has it perks and Im glad I dont have much to complain. I really wish I could perform well and give something for this company. I know I might not be long here therefore I'll enjoy my moment.  :)

Long story short

This past 8 months my life been changing a lot. I learn so much I believe those experiences even more expensive than my school's tuition.Haha. Anyway, I'm very glad and grateful for what I have and I am doing now. Life is a journey, with its ups and downs, but I believe we are tough climbers.

Btw, this October 10th is my sister B'day. Happy birth day dear sister, I love you so much, and I actually worried about you.haha. You are too kind and too sweet and too nice. Hopefully, you will get your best and your greatest happiness in life. May God always protect u dear girl (last pic of this post).