Sit back and Relax

okay, yesterday was my first 'professional' psychological test for job purpose and i kinda blow it. well, blow it in terms of 'somehow i failed'. because, actually, it was pretty fun when i do the test. it was more like playing games rather than doing a test. And i did my best.
But again, we will never know why the result end up like that..hehe..whatever, i think the process to get there ( get on the bus at 5 in d morning) and do the test without having breakfast finally took it tolls. i was home all tired and exhausted.
,I need a lot of sleep to gain my strength back. Even more time to think that failure is a part of learning process. well, i am one of those people who think that failure cant hold us back. it was not an event of proving the world or anybody else. so, i see failure as something worth to try and insightful. but still, there is a teeny weeny bit of upset feeling. and it took time to stop ur brain and emotion from the gloomy effect. And here i am, trying to sit back and relax, reduce the self-made burden that hangin' on my mind. I am in a process of getting my self back into positivity. energy. power!. I know i will make it. i know i will end up or find something the best. something that worth thousands times from what i've been trough. cherrios!! :D

Finally..

After reconsidering everything and felt the urge to fix my hair. Haha. I did another hair cut yesterday. The weird thing was, my friends Rara, Puput and my Boyfriend were accompany me to the salon and show their support. With those 3 people around me while getting my hair cut, I felt like giving labor or something.Haha.Ps: the hair stylist also looked intimidated and under pressure. they were watching carefully.haha.

before

chop!chop!chop! (my bf took this picture n made me embarrassed enough,haha)

And..

Tadaaa..it is a short Bob cut, My fav. style :D

And i feel much more comfortable with this hair. More like me in thousands way! :D.Hope you guys like it...

A new Hair Cut!! (and i dont like it)

Yup, actually i love my long locks, but because some people want a more fresh version of me, so i decided to go for a new hair cut. i plan to have a pixie or bob hair cut but the hair stylist make me doubt, he insisted on just make my hair to be half long than before. so, i was like..okay..just make it shorter...

before

BUt...

tadaaa...

after

i didnt expect it would be like this, over volumed and looks like umm..classic ..and so-so..i really2 prefer my long locks then. wish i cud back in time...

but, i decided to start enjoy my self with this hair cut, i hope i'll feel good with this even tough it isnt look like i wish for.

i am thinking about another hair cut, make it shorter..very short bob or pixie..well, will see...

so, what do you think about my new hair????which one is better?

High Hopes And Bright spirit

i know i've been so gloomy and grey and boring these days..hehe. well, things happen and i find it rather difficult. AAnywaay, i am totally in better state now. I'm doing a job, helping my previous lecturer to make a glossary of Social Psychology construct. well, it is one hell of job. it took me tons and extensive reading but i enjoyed it very much.

I think my 'fragile' emotional state several days ago due to non-productive days with no clear activity. i love my life to be structured, flexible but structured. i love doing things, and by doing things means i am fulfilling my self. because if i do nothing i will feel empty and useless, so again, it is very important to keep my self occupied. And, this job really help me out of my disoriented afternoon with no activity.haha. i feel challenged and thrive. i have like 200 (or more) constructs to define in Indonesian and i cant tell it is an easy job. it is a bit hard, i should read the dictionary and read other literature to make sure that my definition is correct. I hope this work will be useful for the progress of social psychology in Indoesia...

ohya,i think i develop a new hobby lately. a costly hobby. now, I seriously interested in buying accessories, especially ethnic or gems-made bracelet and necklace. I bought an earring (sorry cant upload the pic left my camera @ home), a metal base with black tiny stone on it...i love the earrings, i cant say i look beautiful wearing it but at least i look different.hehe. so far i was satisfied my new earring until my BF told me i look like Charlie ST 12. wtf. He successfully make me upset. and i never wear those earring anymore.

in return, i asked him to buy me a bracelet. and he did! (kisses). He bought me two cool ethnic-wooden-made bracelets. That's make me happy and we're even. hehe.

a bit touch of wooden-ethnic-bracelet

And lately, i found a very charming bracelet i wanna buy. but it was quite pricey i should wait till next month. oh my oh my. wish i cud have it!. (beb?uhm,in case you read this,muahahaha!)

a bracelet by Monika vinader. me want this, or at least something close to this.hehe

black and gold by BexRox. me want something look like this!.

i used to be very simple in appearance. usually jeans and tees and sling bag. But along with the more i grown up, the more sophisticated i become. i wanna use more accessories, adding colours and charming smells into my daily appearance. Thus, i am now always keep an eye on accessories/jewelry booth whenever i went to a mall. hihihihi.

I know this might be a new consumptive habit, but it is something make me excited and its a novel fascination, so..i don't mind. i still able to control my budget anyway. i think it is one non harmful habit, just a bit risky.haahhaaa.

Cherrios!XOXO

Love did to me..

I confess, i have some insecurities.

i fear of being loser

i fear of being left behind

i fear of losing something/someone precious to me

after put aside all other things, lets talk about love.you know that i love my bf so much?so much i cud die?.

yeah, right. i recognize the tendency for me to love him more and more, each minute and each second. he is so sweet and so nice i cant help my self to not fall in love with him.every day.But, along with the increase of that feeling, i also recognize the increase of fear of losing him. the increase of fear that i might get hurt.the fear that he might hurt me, deliberately or not. the more i love him, the more insecure i become. and it make me sad. to be very fragile and dependent. to be very sensitive and prone to pain. i cant take it, the jealousy, the thirst to always feel loved. the fear of not loved by him that sometime haunt my mind. aarrghh.

see, that how love did to me...make me become uber worried fragile b****!i dont wanna that. i dont want to feel threaten. i want to use my logic back. i am too coward to trust my heart. i am too afraid to the possibility of get hurt. it is not i dont trust him. it is more into me. what i feel. what i fear of. what i want to become. i want to stay awake and sober and use my brain function normally even when it comes to love. i want to be tough and cool. not weak and fragile. as if love has no side effect like this.

Back in Depok

annyonghasimnika? hope u are all fine. i think i should share some stories about lebaran and upload some pic. but, i was kinda lazy and have little time 4 everything so i am just gonna make a short highlight that my lebaran was quite different and quite fun. thats it.

anyway? now i landed my ass back on Depok. Looking for some opportunity to catch. a.k.a look for a job (damn, it sounds pathetic!haha). i am sometime fine with the waiting etc but mostly i get so disturb with my own impatience. i want it fast. i want it soon.

getting back into this place is no longer fun, i feel more miserable rather than joy. Haha. my friends, my environment, my safe web are gone with the moving time. i feel alone.

And as if it is not bad enough, now my bf about to be sent dont-know-where- for his job. so, i probably will be a teeny tiny granule of chocolate floating in Jakarta air. but damn! i aint feel weak, i suppose not!. whatever it is, i will stay positive and slow and calm and go with the flow. wherever u take me God! so please bring me into a good place with good environment and enlightening experiences...

Love the way it is

I, never in my life, thought that jealousy should be brought into any silly yet childish action. I dont beg for love. I dont do cheesy and tacky efforts to gain attention or to keep my man. I just dont. I play it cool and calm in love. i'll make love as something shooting my mind rather than one that distract it. so, dont bother to change because i said so, but change (into better person) because you truly love me. then i'll love you back, sincerely.