This situation (which i cant tell) feels like a dead end alley. no way out. i feel cornered, try to figure out the best way to out of this, but there is nothing i found. i see some options, but either i am not ready enough nor not brave enough. omg. i know i am babbling in no clarity. haha. but since i believe no one read this blog so i dont care.
i just feel like in a dilemma plus not in my best mental state and not in my best mood. i feel like a broken vase. empty and lost. (psychologically sounds depressive right?haha.) no i am not depressive i am just in a confusing phase that took a lot of patience and endurance to survive. okay, i've just experiencing this one thing that make me feel ashamed of my self. it make me feel so low i cant stand up again. i never, in my life, been so bad. i always try (hard) to be a good person with strong principle and values, straight with no bad record in behavior. lately i see a different image of my self, which i am not proud of. instead, iam totally ashamed. Oh gosh life get so difficult. okay i'll try to break it down to make it clear though:
1. i am in a search-a-job-phase
and its quite annoy me cz i was out of my comfort zone. doesn't mean i want to be supported all the time but i found it is tough time when my competence and credibility are being questioned again. this timing with no distinct activity to do, make me (sometime) feel meaningless and pointless temporarily. i believe i will soon landed on my dream job, but still, it takes lots of pressure in doing so.
2. I have a relationship problem
just read my previous post then you will understand. we have this difference and tough situation that we have to deal with, but some time we lost our grip and fall on the same hole over and over again.
3. I'm losing the passion in pursuing whatever my dream was
i used to have a dream. and i was a stubborn one. but since i see that the reality is so harsh and life is occasionally a bitch, i am about to lost my passion in dreaming. i am a dead walking zombie now. temporarily i hope.
btw, whatever i face and how bad it feels now, and even in my least desperation, i wont gave up easily. i just wish i soon recovered, heart and soul. i want to be like old time, enjoying life with a bit of obsession. i want to stumble, cry and smile along the process of getting what i want, and i want one day i am in a moment when i can see around and feel satisfy with my life. it just about time when i get my self together and bounce back. cherrios. :D
i just feel like in a dilemma plus not in my best mental state and not in my best mood. i feel like a broken vase. empty and lost. (psychologically sounds depressive right?haha.) no i am not depressive i am just in a confusing phase that took a lot of patience and endurance to survive. okay, i've just experiencing this one thing that make me feel ashamed of my self. it make me feel so low i cant stand up again. i never, in my life, been so bad. i always try (hard) to be a good person with strong principle and values, straight with no bad record in behavior. lately i see a different image of my self, which i am not proud of. instead, iam totally ashamed. Oh gosh life get so difficult. okay i'll try to break it down to make it clear though:
1. i am in a search-a-job-phase
and its quite annoy me cz i was out of my comfort zone. doesn't mean i want to be supported all the time but i found it is tough time when my competence and credibility are being questioned again. this timing with no distinct activity to do, make me (sometime) feel meaningless and pointless temporarily. i believe i will soon landed on my dream job, but still, it takes lots of pressure in doing so.
2. I have a relationship problem
just read my previous post then you will understand. we have this difference and tough situation that we have to deal with, but some time we lost our grip and fall on the same hole over and over again.
3. I'm losing the passion in pursuing whatever my dream was
i used to have a dream. and i was a stubborn one. but since i see that the reality is so harsh and life is occasionally a bitch, i am about to lost my passion in dreaming. i am a dead walking zombie now. temporarily i hope.
btw, whatever i face and how bad it feels now, and even in my least desperation, i wont gave up easily. i just wish i soon recovered, heart and soul. i want to be like old time, enjoying life with a bit of obsession. i want to stumble, cry and smile along the process of getting what i want, and i want one day i am in a moment when i can see around and feel satisfy with my life. it just about time when i get my self together and bounce back. cherrios. :D
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