NYE 2011

Let's see the new year resolution I made and wrote in this blog in Dec 2010...

1. Eating less noddles n eat healthy (thinking of starting my workout regime, new swimsuit as a start! :))

I'm not sure I ate less noddles but I start swimming once or twice this year (haha).  bad thing is I develop the habit of consuming junk food. Oh why delivery food make everything too easy.

2. Read 12 books with varied tittle

bought and get more than 12 books, but only read 3  ( buy.ol.ogy, the red queen, jane eyre)

3. Watch more TV serials (Mad men, Bones, etc)

sure did, i watched castle, mad men, lie to me, friend with benefits, game of throne.

4. Add 3 new-real-best friends from work

I think I have even more. :)

5. Got engaged or even better (ahem!it's sound more like a hope rather than resolution,ha3!)

Alhamdulillah....nope not engage (by my definition, but plan to get married is yes)

6. successfully finished my 12 months orientation with awesome remark! :P

damn, the program is prolonged till February but Im feeling optimistic..

7. write more insightful stories on my blog

Did I? i'll give my silent reader  the pleasure to judge..hehe

8. save money consistently every months

I did, from the very 1st salary....it just a cold asset I cant use, anyway, I double saving now.. :)
9. always enjoy and grateful for everyday ahead! :)

well, mostly I am...

yay, mostly the resolution was accomplished, regardless the degree of success.hehe.

and for the year of 2012, Of course I made my resolution, this time more ambitious and tough. hehe, I'll share it next year to see whether my resolutions are achieved or not.

Anyway, It just happen to me an event that broke my heart where I was deeply sad.  But, life wont stop there right? maybe,  it is me need to adjust. Not to put my hope too high, not too naively dream for sweet jolly things for life is too real to be nice the whole time. I learn to give up the idea of romanticism. I dont want to get hurt and disappointed. so, better find a way to protect my self right?. I stop hoping other people will fully understand me, sympathize my feeling. I decided to stop loving any beautiful romantic ideas. I hate flowers, chocolate, candles, surprises. I lost the long to be loved. I dont need it anymore. I..emptied my heart. and it feels much much better this way. I might still hold people's hand, smiles, hugs and laugh. But, deep down here, emotions are gone. I'll just gonna keep everything I feel for myself. I will not ask or demand anything. I'll be good and nice and boring, just like stepford wife.

I'll start to live for my self. Go out, run, sing and smile all alone.Keep everything for my self, wont share it with anyone. Untill one day, there will be someone who can win my heart back. :) ( this part I should delete because I was being too much, my bad..haha) Fact is, I blinded my judgement based on one failing action but didnt see the whole picture. Thanks to Dinar to remind me to be more respectful towards precious experience love has brought to me, not only the sad part but the jolly and sweet moments.

 

 

 

white off

Time flies very fast I cant grasp nor froze it in my hand. Moments are gone and life getting even more real. I went home and find those smiles awaiting. Hold my breathe and wondering what will happen next. waiting is a moment that mostly filled with anxiety and curiosity. It ticklish.

while Expectation is a big word, when it miss the target, it could hurt. well, I am. But love is about never ending compromise isn't it?. so I decide to calmly compromise it. eat my hope alive. its fine, or it is not.

I am actually afraid, will that so enclosed soul could read my heart?. The tone I speak, the words I pick. will that be as crystal clear to that mind? Will love fully catch the meaning I try to deliver?.

I am afraid of being trapped. Into decision I don't fully agree. Into fights that gonna hurt my soul. Into consideration that not for the sake of myself. well..well well.........................................................................

my candy eyes, one is clearly upset about toys, haha!



The rock of my life



special occasion?ahem.



Mother day

'Selamat hari ibu mah, I love youu...'

I may not have the most romantic relationship with my mother, instead, we fight all the time and argue most of the day. There were moments when we went ballistic to each other. awful. I rarely said sweet words to her nor she to me. It was rough. bittersweet. we both stubborn with big ego. But, we both know that deep down in our heart we know we love each other so much.

I know she scarified a lot for me. Her life wasn't easy, behind all her 'fierce and scary' attitude she actually kind and generous person. she is my real example in doing good for others, people may rarely see it but she never hesitate to help people in need. even when we also not in a better situation. hehe.

she's the second strongest woman after my grandmother.

again, I love you mom....

Dear Life

Im tired, literally sick and now my lovely weekend plan is yet ruined by another so sudden work task. Yep. Im pissed off. But okay, I dont wanna sulk all the time I should face it anyway. wish me luck, may I not black out at the event. do I hate my job? nope, I actually love it but not the 'no weekends free' part. It sucks.

anyway, yesterday I just learn about  basic nutrition, since I was appointed as the nutrition awareness ambassador from my division. It was a total new thing to me, I learn a lot and it opened my eyes how unhealthy and unplanned our life is. As if, more mothers know the importance of consuming balance diet even before they get pregnant, well, maybe we'll have better generation since the consumption of Asam folate (orange, milk) will help add 10 point of IQ to the future baby. I think i'll write a lot more abouth the basic nutritional needs, in the mean time. It's a wrap. Gotta go for work.....bye

Happy weekend

Last weekend was fun. I have the chance to see my campus once again, involve in an activity that I am passionate about..English training..yaaay!. hehe, I love it when I can share something, at least gave a constructive critic for them who want to learn to improve their presentation skill. Anyway, It is fun to meet my friend, my partner in crime, specific crime..haha. Dinar, my old friend who share the very same passion and dream. Beside, I also have the whole Sunday with my boyfriend. We went from one mall to other hunt some stuffs. I love him around.

me and dinar

 

Hurray! hugs! hugs!

Emoticon

Dull day at the office, let this song do the talking... :p

The only good things today are these, candies and chocolate from Shanghai.

Im such a sweet tooth, White rabbit my favourite.

The Pretty pattern

Likewise, an out of town work trip last weekend. Lhokseumawe this time. In the very tiring and tight schedule I was able to sneak out from the event and bought some traditional, embroidery shoes and bag. Yay!. I love the shoes so much it's so unique and pretty. It made me thinking about  the potency of local products If they known internationally. It could be a huge business.

exclusive and pretty design

so ethnic and so chic

we actually have so much to offer, our product are very strong in term of character they boasts interesting value of  uniqueness and indigenousity. for example, the varied motif of Batik from Jogja, Cirebon, Pekalongan and Solo.
and, since Im from Cirebon, I'll explain lil bit about our Batik motif signature. In Cirebon, the signature called as Megamendung. The motif itself  originated from China since  the late ruler ( Sunan Gunung Djati) of Cirebon was married to a Chinese princess named ong tien. It's pattern rooted from Taoism taught that represent the transcendental meaning of the wide free world (for complete explanation please view this site ).

megamendung motif, curl like the cloud

Rrrrromatic Movie...

I must say,  we definitely watched too much romantic movies that irrelevant with the real context here in Indonesia ( a lot of my  female friends must be agreed on this). Haha. To be honest, I expect to be proposed romantically, the guy asking like in a movie. Nope, not with the bended knee or bucket of flowers nor staged romantic setting, just, he pop the question personally and make me surprised. which, in my case, it is sooo not happening. haha.

err, I wrote this not as a signal for my BF since I know he didn't really read my blog. Anyway, I've gave up on this long time ago. hiks.hiks.

btw, I stumble upon this link and I found this sick talent that just melt my heart away, Sungha Jung, a super talented guitarist from Korea. I listen to his acoustic the whole day and love it so much make me forget this
presentation I should make. haha. Seeing this uber awesome talent make me amazed I hope my children will be able to have this kind of musical genius.

Gardner's theory said that there are multiple intelligences exist: logic math intelligence, linguistic, spatial, art, musical, interpersonal etc. which I am very aware that Im suck at music I must be lay deep down in the bottom of whatsoever musical talent level that may exist. Im a tone deaf so I cant sing correctly, leave alone sing beautifully. Haha. But, I can play instrument though (proud!hehe).



The doubtful cause

Remember when I say that there was no longer things that able to excite me? like I already hold the world In my hand?. Yep. That was the moment I feel things I have or long in this world are not a matter of importance anymore. I was very focus on the essential meaning of life, I thought those material things are just absurd and irrelevant.  Fancy clothes, Towering heels or heavenly dinner are things that I will not take when I die nor add the meaning of it. I detest the idea of materialism, the thought of me pursuing those so tangible stuffs over everything. I felt shallow and stupid.

Then I lost the long over those things like I'm ready to be a new person. The feeling was so convincing I almost believe I was ready to give a lot of things up to be this whole new person. But then, It went south very fast. I even doubted my intention, I disbelief my self that I have such courage and determination to make a rapid change. Haha. So, I decided to take a step at a time. I may still hate the Idea of being the victim of capitalism and live so worldly oriented but it also doesn't necessarily make me stop working my best to have a great life. It just, I no longer live the ambition that only leads me to be this cool person with arrogance. rather, I decided to take my life lightly, work my best to be a good, decent, considerate and useful person.

Talking about becoming an useful person, it was actually what my mom taught me. She always said that, there is no bigger mean for us to be created in this world rather than to make our self useful for others. well, I believe I'm make a good use of myself for others but not in the way I expected. Seizing the scale and the directness of my influence, I could see how few people are truly 'touched' by what I do. Hehe. Im thinking about something bigger, more tough and dramatic. One day, It will.

In the mean time, Being grateful been helping me a lot in handling these turbulence of feeling and continuous self questioned over life. I could see clearly God gave me a lot of luck compare to most people it keeps me grounded and respectful. Seeing unfortunate people who should work so hard for so little is  just devastating, it hearts breaking yet make me feel a lot of respect for them. To be in the place I am now, I could see the tear drops and tough sweat they must deal with. That is why I always try my best to treat other people with respect and goodness. Treating others, especially those who are not as fortunate as our self like they're inferior is really not my style. I believe strongly in equality and human rights. we are all deserve some respect for us all are mere human.

err, did I just wrote four paragraphs that seems not coherent by topic? haha, I might, for my brain is suck at being systematic. Hehe.

pause

Finally, today is my moment of pause. After went to Banjarmasin yesterday, I got a day off. Yay.

I really want to just sit back and relax today. But, still need to do some work though since the deadline is coming. well, at least I can do it from my bed. Hehe. Anyway, lets talk about Banjarmasin. I kinda like this city, it's pretty quite, people  are looked nice. But, since it is for work, I dont really have a great encounters with the city. directly go to hotel and do the work. The day after went back to JKT I dont event have the chance to see the famous floating market in Martapura.

finally, a date with mr. durian!

Ok, now it's time to rest. Just snuggle under my blanket, watching trashy programs in local TV channel (ouch,hehe), or finishing my 'castle' serials sprint. btw, I just opened my work email and it make me depressed. Haha, let's just face those things tomorrow for today I want to relax.

Anger

Someone should really get his mind fixed. With that so shiny intelligence, he failed to show a simple act of mannerism. Dude, I cant take you trashing my table and behave like a brat. I want to mad big I want to just confront you, which of course I am DARE to. But again, thanks to my careful thought, It wont be fair if you don't know what your mistake is, right?. So, here I say it...

U WERE TRASHING MY TABLE WITH UGLY USED PACKAGE PAPER YOU COULD JUST THROW OR PUT IT NICELY!!!!

my desk is not a trash bin, you should know better.


ps: I'll tell this guy why I am mad and we'll see if things sort itself out.

The weekend rush

Just come back from Lampung (Kotabumi to be exact, 3 hours from tanjung karang), hell tired! anyway, got no time to stroll around or enjoy anything but this is the 1st event I handled as PIC, so I'm so glad it was run well. :). The view in Tanjung karang is exquisite, picturesque and mighty beautiful. My hotel (Novotel lampung) stand right in the middle of mountains and oceans. I got the ocean view and it was so refreshing. (sorry no pic been so tired and only care for sleep).

Fav Breakfast!

                                                                                             
I've been to this events two row in a week (medan previously), and I was requested to go to Banjarmasin or Pontianak this weekend. 3 row in a week? sorry, nope. no, no, no. I want my weekend and already promise my friends to hang out watching movie. we'll see tomorrow though, If it is really mandatory and there's no one available, well...I cant just reject it anyway :(. It is not that I am not willing to go, I promise my self to work hard and committed to my job, but the timing cant be worse and I really dont want to pay that with my social life. I need to rest and I need seeing my friends.

btw, The night before i went to my friend wedding, aqsa..yaay..so happy to see her in that day..wish her  happiness and blissful marriage. she looks beautiful in daily and even more beautiful at her wedding day. I went there with uwik and tommy (her bf). They're such a cute couple and kind enough to drive me home. hehe. btw, I was not very sure about my outfit that day, most of my friends wore dresses, the simple, chic and modern one, but I choose to wear a traditional javanese kebaya and patchwork Kain batik. But, after I see my self, I feel pretty though. (traditionally pretty, haha). Wedding is a joyous moment....

In the middle, is a beatiful friend but the lighting wasnt fair to her..hehe

                                                   

The happy husband and wife, and bunch of happy friends :)

                                                                                     

Unexplainable

I feel so bored, like nothing is interesting nor exciting anymore. I feel like I've grasp the world it no longer incite my curiosity. I need something new, a superb experience that stimulate my mind, make me alive. Oh boring boring boring day boring boring boring job oh boring boring boring routine.

Dear 23rd November

-Dont you remember-
by: Adele

"When will I see you again?
You left with no goodbye, not a single word was said,
No final kiss to seal any seams,
I had no idea of the state we were in,
I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?

Don't you remember?

The reason you loved me before,

When was the last time you thought of me?

Or have you completely erased me from your memory?

But I know I have a fickle heart and bitterness,

And a wandering eye, and a heaviness in my head,

But don't you remember?

Don't you remember?
The reason you loved me before,

when will I see you again?"

(Ps: If I can sing I'll sing this song over and over again, I'm a tone deaf btw...

so, yeah its kinda sad I cant sing my fav. song with the correct tone, haha.)

Out of nowhere

last night, just had a full episode of dream, a story with a beginning and closed with an ending. out of nowhere.The person from the past, the story that unlikely happen. It was something that will not (ever) happen in reality. Haha.

It makes me wonder whether I have some unfinished business with him. well, I actually have some questions to ask. But, those questions are too childish and silly I don't want to start a confusing discussion. I suspect, the problem with me and him was: we were like each other dearly but the universe against it. It just didn't (never) work. we don't have the chance, the timing, the sprinkle of miracle that unite us. (lol).

from my point of view, It was a weird weird feeling and story. we were rarely speak, but I guessed our eyes do the talking. It was funny how every time we were hang out with our friends, no conversation exist between us. Just awkward gesture.  he was the only person made me losing words and idea of conversation for he is a very unique personality. 

If I look back, what we have was a very honest, but shy feeling, If it is a fire, it didn't burn strong enough. Or maybe it was just me, my imagination, my perception. maybe he never like me that much. nor care that much. Haha.  Anyway, It's been so long since that timing, He remain a dear friend to me and I hope he will find his best girl.

Farcation (Toba Lake)

Yesterday I visited Toba Lake with my friends, Devi, Ina and Mba Ovi.  the lake is situated in Parapat, Medan. It takes 5 hours drive from Medan to Parapat. The lake was so huge, we need to took a boat to get into the Samosir island. I love the lake's water splash into my skin, the boat wasnt shaking and the crew entertained us with traditional songs.

we saw the Batu gantung, which shows a weird shaped rock hanging on mountain side. The batu gantung, local folk said, is actually a girl and her dog who decide to suicide after she was arranged into marrying someone she doesn't like. well, I don't believe that stone is a person but I love how the story touch my imagination.The drama in it. hehe.

In Samosir, there's the Sibutarbutar king grave. There is also a person who tell the story behind the grave. He deliver the (hi(s)tory) with some jokes so it was a fun listening time. Basically, the first king was the first person who unite the area, through wars and conquests. After that, the story went on how the throne was inherited. There was also love stories, enrich with magic practice at that time. well, I love stories, I love tales.

so I enjoyed it so much. btw, here are the pics I took. Enjoy!

(and visit Toba one day yaa..it is a great place).

                                                                                           The local kids

The King Sibutarbutar's grave

The Batu Gantung.                                                                Me and my friends.

on the boat

                                                                                            Sigale-gale puppet,
                                                                        was used to communicate with ancestors spirits.



Entering the site

Sigale-gale entrance

Batak Simalungun traditional food, super yumm!

 The fresh air

The Samosir entrance

The great lake, Toba.

whoaaa....

a lot things going on at the office. I start to detect the dynamic of politics here, people talk this and that.
implicitly hitting each other through defense and offensive acts. sometimes on the ground of ego. funny.
well, that is not really my concern since I come to a believe there's no super clever nor saint person here.
(Oh world..)
BUT,
what I found very awful is the gossip. It was weird how people spread gossips based on very weak ground. a disputable evidence of occurrences, unclear events, vogue rumours, which cant ever be fully validate.
I swear my self I don't want to be part of that, person who spreads unfounded words about someone is the least I want to be.
I always try to be objective in every judgement I make, the sound of rumours are fun and spicy but it could be mislead and wrong.
One thing that very obvious is those people have a very huge tendency to believe things without check or further verification. a big no in research methodology. anyway, it reminds me where the place that taught me to stay objective and always double check, my beloved faculty of psychology.

the research methodology there are one of the finest (I believe), I trained to recheck things find and test evidence until it is fit enough to explain a phenomenon (well, with all the flaws ya, since research only capture a small tiny fragment of thing). duh, do i start talking about school?.
lets skipped it.

tomorrow I should wake up very early for flight to Medan. My body is breaking I actually feel very exhausted. But, bismillah may everything run well tomorrow.... see you Medan..see you Samosir!

my cubicle, place to observeee!hehe

Shame on you!

an  unpleasant encounter with co-worker (refer as X).
It surprised me how someone can loose his/her cool over something that, if they were wiser, could be discuss in more proper manner.

this x is so childish and temperamental. and whatever the excuse, for me, that's stupid.ha.
it takes attitude to deliver a decent sentence. it takes wisdom to pick fine wording.
sometimes it takes nothing, but 'goodhearted' personality.

this x person talk like a person with no education. yield loud. scary face. (like boiled crab,lols!).
to deliver a very very simple point that I already understand since the first time she opened her mouth.

I was like..."haha, you so lost by doing it".
people says it's her personality. she cant help it.

I was like.. "really? she cant help it or she simply an ignorant person?. she knew the impact of her behavior.
no one likes it. it was rude and unnecessary. yet she didn't event try to change it a bit?. either she's blatantly hopeless or..well..ignorant."

point is, due to her way to communicate, which I found very arrogant and foolish at the same time. we had quite heated argument. I keep my cool and hold my anger for I don't want to look like her.

well, message is, you may go to the most prestigious school, get the best mark, be the brightest person in the room, but, when it comes to attitude. those are nothing.

hopefully, she'll grow wiser and more considerate.

moment of truth

I must admit..
I've been sucked into an artificial life where everything that means to me is tangible existence of things.
untill last night, I accidently stumble on my old friend facebook..
and I realize how shallow my life been..atleast these past months.

after working and having my own money I become so worldly oriented. I care more about my money and things I can buy rather than what  I actually live for. My life been so predictable, my days simply concluled in this perhaps economics article 'The raising middle class: most predicted lifestyle ever', works from 8 to 5, Monday to Friday and mall hopping by weekend. haha.

well, I still dont know what I live for but somehow that friend make me see the different side. The deeper meaning of life which ofcourse takes  a big jump of courage to believe. She showed me the ultimate faith to God. something that I dont have.

Thanks to her though, now I am in the process of reevaluating my life..choose the real thing I consider as
most important. most essential. make peace with God.

little talk

had a wonderful time . hang out with my friends from work...

we talk about things, mostly our career plan etc... One of us has moved to GE (general electrics) in a similar MT program. He..well, seems not to enjoy it though, it is twice the work load but the same salary (lol).. so perhaps he will decide to come back, which ofcourse I'm pleased to welcome him. anyway, I will share a lil bit about my company.. It produce baby nutrition..the best in terms if market share etc. working environment are awesome, friendly and nice Indonesian people...my job require couple of travelling..all over
Indonesia..which is fun ofcourse, everything is awesome except the fact that my bosses are french. Hate to admit but how local and Indonesia it is, it still is a global company owned by the french.hehe.
whatevs,...I 'm so grateful..and grateful..
I have friends that are smart and fun and hilarious, they add me some point of views and  sense of belonginess.

Let it Rain Over Me

I'm happy. Now....

Just did my 3rd Quartal review, well it wasnt very smooth but I dont want to care much on it.
The most important is I'm learning and that I'm doing my responsibility here.

Btw, It become very often that people fail me.
I thought they are that smart or that considerate.
It appears they didnt. Some coolest mind even fall deep into inconsistency make them look so..umm..
unreliable..

Btw, I dont care.
What I care now Is..this Weekend! yaay!...

really want a peaceful weekend.
Tivi, great delivery food, and bed.

ohya, Happy birthday my dearest...
Wish you a great courage to face everything ahead...
a tender heart to conquer the world..
a strong responsibility to protect people you love...
a huge patience to handle me
and a neverending love for us to start our life..together..soon...

Deteste

Je'desteste c'est situation. ennuyeux personnes. malentendu....

The more I stay, the more I see..how upsetting one could be.
When the tension is high, how those smiles turn into annoying frowns.
how they cracked  in pressure and became so evil.

I hate bad people, I hate inconsiderate conversations.
But again, what is to hate?. hate is so corrupt it just make me ugly.

I cant wait the time,
When God lead me into another direction.
A path I will do just equally great.
A destination that make me not surprised.

Now,
I feel detached from reality.
I feel the 'lost' and the 'alienation'.
the feel of wanting nothing.

Now,
choices are harder o choose.
a lot variables add the consideration.

EGO

I feel a series of energy loss lately. (okay, there's no such thing since energy is shifting never really just gone).
point is, I feel quite tired, phisically and emotionally. Gloom. bruyant.

I feel worn out. Rush form my work, plan and decisions I should address in short timing.

and the punch line will be how I feel distant with one person I always close with.

I have such big Ego and Anger.

I'm able to just snapped and ruin things.

and the more I need to attach the fewer chances are coming.

ooh, where are you gone peaceful nice time?.

or maybe It  is a sign.

that I'm not ready at all............................................................................................................................


while, in this riot of thoughts, there he is one from my naive past.
rgggh.
Good news I'm so grown up I wont fall in the same trick.

Is it because I'm more mature?
Or is it because I actually do not need someone to strengthen me, to fill in me?.
Is it i am sometimes feel so weak or I unconsciously weaken my self so that I feel the long of other person existence?

It's a sweet thing but at the end it will be only erased by the coming wave.

so what's the point?

Seafoodtopia

Remember my fascination over seafood?

I just Had This...

and I love this..

The winner is the Fish, it salted fine and melt in my mouth..

next favorite is the squid..grilled..the burnt part are so yumm..muahaha..

seafood plater at fish n co.

anyway been quite long didnt practise my cooking..

one day when I get home, grilled lamb with special sauce for everyone...

yaaay!!! I wanna go Home! hiks.....

Tik Tok Tik Tok

Time does add perspectives.

I used to be a quite shallow person I see things black and white

Now, I am able to see the gradation, in between, grey areas...

what I learn are:

1. We cant never judge people for we dont know how it feels to be in their shoes.
2. Opinion is the cheapest comodity, people may talk craps about anything or anyone, dont bother it.
3. Act does speak louder than word

Am I a wiser person Now?
Maybe.

Stronger person?
Sure.

Workkkkrkk

fever.
heavy flights.
even heavier next year.

the travelling is crazy.
and mostly alone.

just pray me I don't get a creepy hotel room!.

votre sourire

rarely talk.rarely seen.

lovely companion.

those sweet childish smile.

____________________________________________________________________________________

losing time

unfortunate timing

none is alone

______________________________________________________________________________

wedding party is festive

I love attending it

the exploding romance, the happiness...the pretty dress.

me n uwik at anggi's wedding

He..he..he

inspiration could come from many ways, unexpected people and unpredictable event.
I just read this cool story about aspiring scientist from Indonesia, one of very few people holding Phd in physics higher energy, which also coincidentally having relationship with my best friend.

I read his interview in one newspaper and I thought, damn, this guy so lucky to have such courage. courage to 'throw himself in unknown' and enjoy the ongoing curiosity with equally heavy challenges and complication in a realm called as science.

then I look into my self. it makes me feel 'he..he..he'.

he he he..I am way too chicken to just jump into thing I really want. face the unpredictable quest. too spoilt to leave this comfort zone and too shy I didn't put much confident in my self (sometimes). plus, too reluctant in taking challenges.

half of me believe that the posibility dream is pretty much in our faith. but then half of me is in doubt I create barrier in my self (self-handicapping?) to event think 'I might'.

and he..he..he I looked back and realize, how little I did. How weak is  my determination. fiuh.
But, I believe it is a process of growing up. process of me looking for what I want. As if I could know, the fix variable that determine our fate, is it our will or some other external events that simply out of reach?.

thinking deep and hard , lols!

Time box

Oh dear wind,
will you ever fly my wings again?
into the wilderness of stranger land
into smiles warmth my memory
into kindness that melt my heart


dear fate,
will you ever bring me again?
into a journey I cant deny to appreciate
a crossing path that fond my soul
I miss the smell,
I miss getting lost and wandering around

oh dear..dear..
a moment I hope to frame in my head
for years and years and years ahead.....

Eyes wide open

Working expose me with experience that into some extent develop me. I learn again. It is like a new world that open itself to me. the dynamic, the type of tasks, challenges, etc.I used to think that work-related-task will be more complicated and demanding than this, but it appears it is more matters of our ability to strecth our capacity in doing multiple things. my job load is progressing and ofcourse it is not getting easier. I travel places, meet people,eat new foods, breathe stranger place's air, get confuse and feel challenged.

Btw, one well-known career person said that fresh grad should take their time to recognize what they really want. well, I am not fully agree of that, some time get a job asap it self is a process of us  in finding what really want. perhaps we will come into consideration that we actually dont want the job or we want for something else. but, thats the process. sometimes. that is the way how we will finally recognize our self.

as for me, as I told before, I love this job, it has it perks and Im glad I dont have much to complain. I really wish I could perform well and give something for this company. I know I might not be long here therefore I'll enjoy my moment.  :)

Long story short

This past 8 months my life been changing a lot. I learn so much I believe those experiences even more expensive than my school's tuition.Haha. Anyway, I'm very glad and grateful for what I have and I am doing now. Life is a journey, with its ups and downs, but I believe we are tough climbers.

Btw, this October 10th is my sister B'day. Happy birth day dear sister, I love you so much, and I actually worried about you.haha. You are too kind and too sweet and too nice. Hopefully, you will get your best and your greatest happiness in life. May God always protect u dear girl (last pic of this post).