NOt that easy

i thought i am modern enough to make decision on my own

i thought i have all the freedom i need in doing my life. i thought i am a woman with liberty

it appears everything is not that easy

i really want to pursue my master degree and become a lecture or scientist. But, in this phase, there a conflicting aspect that i should face. eventhough my parents dont state it clearly, i know that they expect me to be married at this time. This idea kind of make me in a difficult situation. at one point, i know they will always support me, but in the other hand i also realize that they have some sort of expectation like i mentioned before. well, for my self, i see there are two options at this time : pursuing master or get a job.

1.Pursuing Master degree
i really want to pursue my master with scholarship. the problem is, it takes about six to seventh month for the process. In the mean time i plan to work as a freelance in one Event Organizer in Jakarta. let say if i got the scholarship, it means i have to study abroad for about two years and back to Indonesia at the age of..umm..25.
Advantages:
Higher education level. Broad opportunities. precious experience. Self development fulfilled.
disadvantages:
my relationship with my bf at stake. Missing 2 years with my family.delayed marriage plan.

2. working
I dont see working as my first priority this time. it doesnt mean i hate working or else, but simply because i feel not that competence or valuable to run a job. i'd love to work and build my career one day, but not with this bachelor degree. i feel like my Bachelor degree is nothing compare to the requirements of the job that i dream about. i am interested in HR, marketing and communication and i plan to be a CEO one day. But again, i feel i still have a lot to learn. so, i'd love to put aside this option. the problem is, i also want to start to be independent financially. well, its a hard decision.
advantages:
independent financially. early career path. Possibility to be married.
disadvantages:
uphold education purpose.life will be repetitively boring (well it depend on the kind of job i get).

This is it.

i never really realize

but now

this is it

the time when i should stand on my own foot

running life by depending in my own self

this is it

i simply wish I'll make it and Alloh will always bless me.

amin.

The way you love me

i know

it takes time to realize

that the way you love me

make me fallin love with you

semoga Alloh menjaga dan mempersatukan kita ya yaang...

:)

The next steps..

i woke up this morning

feels like an empty bottle

floating around the sea

i felt like already do a lot of things in my life

but still, i ain't complete

i still have a lot of things to learn, since i am lack of knowledge

i still have to expand my point of view because i don't want to be a narrow minded person

i still have to struggle if i don't want to lose in my future battle

and above all things

i simply want to be a person

who are rich

in knowledge and wisdom

Gloomy gloomy day!!!

The judicium stuff is a compulsary. a must attend!. wtf.

i was still mad cz my thesis mark.

unhappy.

felt nothing to celebrate.

so i went to the judicium. people showed their smiling faces. i didn't. i was grumpy and upset.

after they gave me my certificate, i do the walk-out protest (no one noticed though,haha). i skipped the taking-picture-session-with-the-dean-and-some-other-important-officials.

hell cares.

then i went to Jati's (my friend) cafe and ordered a cup of iced cappuccino. it was tasteless. too much water.well it cost only 4500 rupiah so i didnt expect much either.

this is the cappuccino from jati's cafe.

Make me remind of This is cappuccino that i ordered when i was in KL airport. it cost me 30.000 rupiah and taste not so good either.haha.

Anyway, after the judicium over, wendy, zaza et all. ask me to go to d'cost for lunch. I was kinda starving so i decided to go with them. we went to d cost and ordered these..

udang saos padangnya d'cost! saddaaap! :P

kangkung balacan, my favourite!

gurame asam manis,nyuum!

i ate with calm. amazingly i felt better after all those yummy food rest in my stomach. haha. then i start to smile again. food does help, and friends too.

left-right: meri, arini. zaza, miftah, ises, Me.

My lowest point.

Remember days back then when i was so excited talk about my thesis?

remember how proud i am?

remember how high my hope on it?

i was killed in a second.

i am ruined.

i got B+ for my thesis.

which i found unfair.

it is not because i am blinded by my own subjectivity.

but because i clearly know that i deserve better.

i worked my ass hard.

i do my thesis with all my heart.

i am serious on it.

and because there was some sort of problem on it.

my thesis supervisor seems not too keen on my behavior she decided not to defend me on my thesis defense. it lead to a very poor result on my thesis's mark despite of its real quality.

she said sorry and kept telling me that i deserve better than that, but nothing she can do anymore.

whatever i am enough with all the bullshit, i am already broken.

it broken my heart, it destroyed my hope (temporarily), and it totally killed me this time.

thanks for being very hard to approach and thanks for being very subjective on me.

it is not only my lesson, it is also yours.

be more wise next time. please.

the mark is based on the thesis quality, not on your interpretation about someone's behavior.

simply nice days

Chiang Kai Shek memorial Hall

with Mr. Tim Yip The creative director of Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon!

the breakfast, vegetarian sandwich. i love the milk tea, but i dont enjoy the sandwich much.

i ate a yummy squid for 40 NT$ only!love it!

one of the building in National Taiwan University!hot weather make me wear hat.

With anggi, my adventure companion! :)

Taipe museum palace

Tomatoes coated with caramel, sweet!

i bought this in Tienshin, ring with owl stone on it! cute!love it!

dinner time in National University Taiwan.

with the girls, otw to 101 Taipe.

on The way to Taipe 101 tower.

The President of Taiwan, President Ma. Such a smart person! nice!

its me giving the presentation about diverse religion and ethics in Indonesia.

The coconut bubble tea! buy one get one free! Huray!

iam actually ini Taipe now, having holiday..haha i means having a symposium to attend..

here are some pictures when i was visiting some place in Taipe

twinkle lil star

all dark

gasping for air

dying

pain

sad

shattered heart

there is place with no light

sucked me in

cant get out

but those smiles

swept away my tears

strengthen my broken soul

lilttle stars

that make me

able to see

how good is life suppose to be

What i want in life

i want to have a fine life, just like billion other people want they life to be..

i also want to be useful for others

even in the smallest way

or slightest significance

i just cant imagine

how selfish i am

if

i am doing my life for the sake of my self only....

Short Holiday

i got some short time to go home and i need to borrow some of my sister stuff, so yesterday i went home.

despite of some bad-luck events i encounter along the way home..

the rest of it are fun.

Today, my family went to waduk Jatiluhur.

we are all tried the flying fox (except de'li cz she's saying that she has a stomach ache>excusese!haha)

my mom and dad showed that they still got it..they both also climb that web ladder and slide down..hhaaa..

the place is nice, windy with very fresh air!. we also took tour around the island with a boat. nice!

(left-right: anis, dea and Me on the side of the dam)

(left-right: Anis,my Mom, Dea and Me + a girl on the wthite top..hee)

damn! this web ladder is a total creep!feels like can fall anytime!


this is my lil sister! she's such a small tiny thing above the water.

on boat.
this is the whole family>minus me of course sinc it is me took the pic! :(


and this is the girl with thousand excuses not to do the flying fox. LOL (my sister de'li)

Current addiction!

c2 green tea with lemon taste

some people are smoking after they have meal. well i am not. but, i always having tea after meal. i love its sweet relaxing taste in flow through my throat. it is not a good habit though. the sugar in it could really increase my possibility to get a diabetes (my grandma and dad have it). it just so hard to quit when the blood on your vein is screaming for sugar and sweet (haha!). My dad really gives a bad example. he have a diabetes but he isn't quitting his-drinking-soft drink-habit. I hope he will remain healthy though. Thus, i am now on a drink-mineral water-program..i reduce my (sweet) tea drink habit and increase my mineral water consumption. The bad thing is, i just found this product, a green tea bottle with lemon taste (my fav.) called C2..and i am start to drink it frequently..ha!. it just taste so good i cant refuse.. -___-

wrigleys professional candy with extra mint and forest berry taste

anyway, did i tell you already that i have a huge tendency to munch or drink something in my spare time. mostly candies. i have a sweet tooth and totally crazy over candy (mint flavored especially). usually i chew wrigley mint gum but my last visit to the nearest minimart make me found this forest berry wrigleys candy..it taste so good i love it! i just found it strange to read the 'professional' word on it.. do this candy has anything to do with any profession? well it just my thought.

okay, my point is..i will try to stop drinking c2 since i believe it contain quite amount of sugar, but i'll leave alone the candy..cz i love the taste so much! hahaaa...

Avatar the last air bender!

M. Night Shamalayan..

well, i watched his movie twice. sixth sense and the happening. not really impressed.

kinda think about watch another of his movie, lady in the water, but it looks so gloomy i am not interested anymore. i always thought that he is kinda unique. well not everyone love his movies but he got all he's weird mysterious style in directing. the point is, i respect him regardless his infamous style of movies.

but, frankly speaking, i really2 dont like the idea of him directing avatar the last air bender!. first, this movie is not he's kind of movie. second, he make a stupid decision by hiring Latin American actress to play the role (i suppose their should be Chinese or at least Asian) and it totally ruined the whole fantasy of the story.

now, the movie has been released and the response is like this. I think i don't need to comment further, these bad reviews already represent my opinions. wassalam. *ngambek