Back on Blog

After almost a year gone from this lovely page.

This is my first attempt to continue writing.

Well, It's been a year, many things happen.

Most of all, my life now is evolving around my baby daughter,

Aubrey the brave, one adventurous girl.

She grow fast, pick things fast, sweet as honey and delightful as warm morning sunshine. 

I love her big time.

while, lets talk about growing up.

am about to have my 26th birthday on June.

another 4 years and I'll be 30 something. whoa. time tricked me.

I thought am still at my 21-esque of age. anyway, it doesnt really matter though. I am still the same person, just better. especially in motherhood area.

I still working at the some company, cook for my baby, read her story, play with her with attention, and manage those daily bits of her from feeding time checking into nutrition status. well, everything basically.

Being a mother did boost my confidence for the fact that it stretch my yardstick of capability. things that I thought I cant, proved as I so very can.

grateful. everything going so well. alhamdulillah.

Team work

Having a baby,

Me and My husband suddenly become even stronger team-mate, like there's a totally new team-work nature happening. A good one. we balancing our time, me doing all the breast feeding and nappy change, while he should go back and forth every weekend JKT-CRB. when he is in Cirebon he will do his best to take care of Aubrey, wake up at night with me, change her diapers and put her back into sleep.

 

I see him as a very supporting partner and loving father, which I knew long before and glad for. :)

when the after opt pain were starting, he sat next to my bed, hold my hand like he walk with me trough all the way long...when I have to breast feed Aubrey, which is also hurt, He again hold my hand and support me to keep going, telling me that Iam a great Mom...when night is coming and I have to wake up and I didn't have the energy, he told me to go back to sleep and he take care of Aubrey.. :")

 

I can se from his eyes, he feel what I feel, all the tough pain I've been through and I think he love me even more..for I love him even more too. We both respect each other in doing this parenting Job and it reflected on how we frequently share information regarding our baby...and we surely become an avid googler. one day Aubrey was having a flu, so I googled on how to handle that, and he always text me asking how Aubrey's doing..until the issue settled, Aubrey is now back into health..

 

 

Being a parent, for me, is a heavy thing..but...

Im very sure, baby we will be cool parent and work this out... :)

Iam a Mom

Holla..

I am now a mom..

My baby daughter was  born on March 3rd 2013 with C-section labour.

We named her Aubrey Azkadina Rivai..

it was a joyful moment having her, seeing her for the first time and successfully having IMD after the opt...

whilst, there's another story behind that..

After months of planning for normal birth, it appears that the doctor suggest for C-sect option because of some medical concern. After that suggestion, the next day we decided to have the opt. in Mitra Plumbon Hospital.

I was kinda nervous for never have it planned, thinking about the opt table and the risk and etc..kinda sligthly freak me out. But, Have to face it after all.. so at 1 pm I enter the opt room, which is crazy cold and being cathethered and should wait for 2 hours because the doc having another labour downstairs..sucks because my husband cant enter the opt room..so there I were alone, almost having hypothermia in the opt room..

Anyway, I never really thinking what is being a mother except having a cute adorable baby in my arm. Surpriiiiiiseeee.... I was in total shock...

After the opt done and the anaesthetic was off, I start to feel the excruciating pain, I cant move, my breast were heavily engorge and it painful like hell..while..I have to breastfed my baby..while  breastfeeding was also super painful because first-timer feeding make the nip crack and create lesion.. triple the pain, and I should keep going..

And after that, being heavily fatigue and catch a cold, I have to wake up every 2 hours to do the breastfeed routine..it was tough..physically and emotionally draining..there was night when I was shivering in cold, almost cant wake up for I don't have the energy but my baby is thirsty..so I woke up and breastfed her, holding all the pain that scream in my body..I was almost gave up and plan to give her formula milk, thanks to my husband who always support and strengthen me, that bad bad bad idea went sour fast, :).

Alhamdulillah, I've recovered, get back into health and adjusting my schedule...now, I am feeling serene, I've dealt with this motherhood routine. I don't know other mother story, but this is mine, and yes for me the first weeks was tough..but all the stretch mark, pain, nip crack and fatigue are worth..the peaceful face of my baby..

Mommy loves you very much Aubrey, we can do it together..

Now I know how hard being a mother is...

Virtues to teach

 -Straight and Honest-

Today, I realize that I'm a 24 something woman, who about to be a mother. Soon, I'll deliver a baby with due date on 9th March 2013. Having this baby has always been a surprising bless for me. I've always wanted a child and keen on being a mother. I've had the picture how I'll raise my children, what values I will taught them, and so on and so on.

One thing for sure, I want my children to be a person with integrity. straight and honest. why? these past years I've learn (the hard way) that living a lousy life, being a liar or dishonest in any context will make life ugly and miserable. I have this experience where I lost my utmost trust towards someone I should (and always) respect before. This person made the most hurtful deception and lies. Everything was destroyed and relationships were broken. Hard to deal with.

Now, I'm still learning to forgive, to open my mind that anyone deserve a second chance. Still hard to believe, how the If question still pops in my mind, as if blablabla maybe everything will turn better, as if blablaba I might not sick with this hatred..but..I again realize that there is no use crying over a spilled milk.

Beside from that personal experience, well, professionally I also witness some ugly lies, ass licking behavior that make me kinda sick. Some people dare to do fraud, stab others, and air other people's laundry in non respected way, creating circulated rumours. It looks like doing those ugly thing is fine, but deep down, its a big No No in professional world. Trust me, people will always judge and evaluate,   pick their own opinion towards us, they keep taking note even it is not blatantly written. Once one lose his/her credibility, forever he/she wont be trusted.

Therefore, It is very important to me, to my family, that being honest and straight are two virtues we should hold tight. very tight. I will not my self and my little family join the 'corrupted mind' gang. No chance!.

-Brave and Tough-

I want my children to be brave and tough, I will not spoil them with luxurius thing, rather I will teach them the essential of life, which is to be useful for others. We have such a short time living in this world, so lets make the most of it.

I've seen so many children being given so many things from their parents,  but those stuff doesnt make them become more grateful or humble. In opposite, living such easy life make some children become unpolite individual who has no respect towards hardwork nor valuing life, what they do mostly getting busy with their gadget and posting bunch of show -off pictures in socmed.

That is why, I want to do it the other way, I hope I will be able to teach my children that when they want something they have to work on it, on their own. If they want to see the world, I'll give them the way how but they have to use their own wing to fly. They have to be brave and tough.

-The freedom to be anything-

It is not highly important to me what my children will become. They will have the freedom to choose. With one condition, as long as it is good and make them useful for others. I dont dream my children to be a doctor, lawyer or anything (well I dream them to be scientist and social activist, hehe), I just want them to be the best in one profession they choose and become the source of help for aas many people as possible.

Larger than Life

 I trust the whimsical power of beliefs, brave enough to wander into wild dreams and hope.

lately I feel like my life is a puzzle where every pieces is fall just into the right place

Im in a good place now, but it may not the exact place I want to be.

Well see, hopefully I will find some enlightenment during my maternal leave...

weird thing is,

my spirit at work is super heighten these days, I feel like I want to do a whole lot things before maternal leave. I even start some projects, well, the initial work..hehe. Its kinda weird, I suppose to have this kind of excitement since last year, but, well, maybe because I know I'll be long gone I feel like I have the obligation to contribute more... :)

In the mean time,

Lets just chill back a lil bit before my maternal leave on February..

Ah, super exciteed...finally I'll have the time to contemplate my life, see whats truly meaningful and important to me..

A new lesson to learn

Okay,
Over all many aspect in my life are going pretty well,
Except for this one..
Financial matters...

So, due to my stupidity in cell-phone usage, well basically I didnt aware that I use regular internet browser bill these two months, then I should pay quite big amount of money..Crab!

An other accident related with money that also sucked dry my saving...fiuh.

At first I feel so upset and sad and disappointed toward myself, how could such stupidity happen, especially when that amount of money worth a branded Hand bag or branded stroller for my baby..hehe

But then it gets me thinking,

Our possession, form the most meaningless to the most precious..is not belong to us.
It is belong to the graciousness of God, which he can take back at anytime, with any kind of way..
even through the most unexpected and silly way...

We have to understand that in the first place, and learn to be ikhlas whenever we lost something in our life..
There's no absolut possesion, there's no eternity in this world..

so, I assume, God is teaching me to be ikhlas now...

I shaould stay thankful, it's only money..not other thing that even having greater meaning in my life for I still have my family and friends...


:)

Current (ly) Issue

Last week been tough,

Now, I mean today, I feel great... :)

I feel confident about today, we have this compliance audit something but and we already prepared all the needed documents, so, finger crossed we could get great audit result.

anyway,

These days I've been visiting this website Mommiesdaily , and found some insightful writings. Not only about pregnancy and babies but some very touching personal stories. There were story about being single parent, going through divorce and even losing a husband. well.. it brought my tears..huhuhu...it amazing how people survive such thing, being tough and continue living into the fullest..Im thankful that through their bravery I could add my perspective about life..

I learned that Life always bring unexpected surprises, the good and the bad, and we have to act accordingly, respect whatever happen as the process of our journey in this world..

I learned that happiness doesnt always stay, it may disappear or fade away with time, and we have to accept that as thing that make us stronger..

I learned that we cant hold our beloved people or precious belongings forever..for one day they may being substracted from our life calculation, but we still have to continue counting.. :)

So, Let live this moment. Being grateful for so many blessings God gave us until today...

My precious thing today is..My husband... :)

Dear baby,

I love you dearly so berry berry much

You add what wasnt exist in my life

Happiness, laughter, tears, gratitude..

you are the monster bear I can hug when I am tired and weary

may you always strong and healthy..

be a great husband and daddy..